The night before my precious MJ went to daycare for the first time, I should have felt good, relaxed and prepared, but I wasn't. I was as nervous as a germaphobe at a buffet. If I didn't have to go to work I would have turned around and brought her home to hang out with me for the day.
As I am writing this, I feel that I am the parent I shake my head at. Hovering and thinking their kid is different than everyone else's. For some reason, I think all parents have one thing in common. They all think their child isn't common. I am no different.
My precious wouldn't take a bottle from anyone. She'd already gone over 12 hours without eating because she was waiting for her mother. She had been around very capable people. Each one of those people tried their different tricks to get her interested in drinking from a bottle. Lots and lots of people had tried. I had tried multiple times when Kim would go out to run errands or go play hockey. Both sets of grandparents had tried to no avail. Her pediatrician said that she was a, "Smart girl. She knows what she wants."
Sending her to daycare without taking a bottle just seemed like we were setting her up for failure. There was nothing I could do about the bottle. I'd tried before and that issue was out of my control. I knew what needed to be done deep inside. Just drop her off and make the quick dash out the door. Besides, Jackie was dying to get inside and see his friends who he had missed since spending time with his parents all summer.
As I walked to the door I once again began to think about all the things that could go wrong: MJ crying and crying because she was hungry, MJ not being happy about not seeing her mother and I now that we had to go to work, and not having enough attention because there will be other kids to pay attention to.
At the moment I hesitated, I knew it was all in my head. MJ would be fine. It would be fine for me to think about her. It would be fine for me to wonder if she were missing me. It would be fine if MJ experienced some hardship because she wouldn't take a bottle.
As I got back into the car and told Kim all about my concerns and wild thoughts she said, "If I knew you'd be this worked up, I would have dropped the kids off." At that moment I knew I needed to just let go. Inside my head I knew if Kim had dropped the kids off I would not of have been so concerned. I would have known the kids were going to daycare and they would be taken care of. Reading in between the lines of what Kim was saying, I decided to man up and deal with my precious being with someone other than her mother.
At the end of the day I charged out of work and down the highway to see my precious. She had all her fingers and toes, she was still breathing and survived her first day in daycare. And to no one's surprise, she didn't take a bottle!
Looking back at the day 5 months ago I've come to realize a number of things. Most of the feelings I have experienced as a parent are worth considering. Sending my daughter to the child care provider we decided was safe and trust worthy means I should be able to be at ease. I also learned that the feelings of uneasiness will always be there. I just need to be the parent that isn't defined by their uncertainty.
Most importantly it is a good thing I've got a great partner in Kim. Every parent needs someone to turn to when they have concerns, questions and indecision. Everyone needs someone who can politely say, "Grow a pair."
